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Are You Anxiously Attached Because of Your Genes?

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Are You Anxiously Attached Because of Your Genes?
Photo by Warren Umoh / Unsplash
"Is it your childhood... or your chromosomes? The truth is: it's both—and the science is fascinating."

Attachment styles shape the way we love, communicate, and even break up. If you tend to overthink texts, crave closeness, or spiral after someone pulls away, you might have what's called an anxious attachment style. But here's a twist: it's not just about your upbringing. Science shows your genes may be playing a bigger role than you'd expect.

Why Attachment Style Feels So "Hard-Wired"

Attachment theory, originally developed by John Bowlby and expanded by Mary Ainsworth, explains how our early caregiving relationships form internal working models for love, security, and emotional regulation.

Traditionally, these patterns were believed to stem from early parent-child dynamics. But new research shows the picture is more nuanced. Twin studies reveal that up to 45% of anxious attachment tendencies may be genetic.1 That means your DNA might be quietly influencing how you respond to closeness, rejection, or uncertainty.

The key point? Attachment style is a malleable trait, not a fixed destiny.

The Genes Behind How We Love

1. Oxytocin Receptor Gene (OXTR)

Oxytocin is often called the "bonding hormone" because it's released during hugs, eye contact, and moments of intimacy. It's central to social behavior and emotional bonding.

  • rs53576 Variant: People with the GG genotype in some studies report more insecure attachment, especially under stress.2 Other studies show the same genotype linked to lower anxiety and avoidance, suggesting a complex interaction with the environment.
  • Methylation: Higher methylation (gene silencing) of the OXTR gene has been linked to higher avoidant attachment. Epigenetics, anyone?3

2. Dopamine and Reward Sensitivity (COMT, DRD2, DRD4)

Dopamine influences motivation, novelty-seeking, and reward response—all critical to how we attach.

  • COMT Val158Met: One study found individuals with a Val/Met combination had higher avoidant traits, possibly due to intermediate dopamine metabolism.4
  • DRD2 & DRD4: Certain variants here are linked to increased anxiety in attachment or greater emotional sensitivity to the caregiving environment.

3. Serotonin Transporter Gene (5HTTLPR)

This gene affects serotonin reuptake—the brain's "mood stabilizer."

  • Short (S) allele: Associated with higher emotional reactivity and greater risk for unresolved trauma or anxious attachment5
  • Epigenetic studies show that methylation (a biological effect of stress) interacts with this gene to influence attachment outcomes.

4. BDNF (Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor)

BDNF supports brain plasticity—your brain's ability to adapt.

  • The Met allele in the BDNF gene has been linked to greater sensitivity to low-quality parenting. In other words, it may amplify your emotional response to early caregiving experiences6.

Nature and Nurture: Not a Binary

Genetic research doesn't negate the impact of parenting—it enhances our understanding. Most findings emphasize the concept of gene-environment interaction:

  • You might have genes that predispose you to emotional sensitivity.
  • Whether those sensitivities become sources of strength or stress often depends on your upbringing and relationships.

This is known as differential susceptibility: some people are more responsive to both negative and positive experiences.7 It's not just about vulnerability, but plasticity.

Real-World Example: Sophie, 35

Sophie often panicked when partners pulled away. Her therapist suggested attachment theory, and later, genetic testing. Sophie discovered she carried the short (S) allele of 5HTTLPR and the Met variant of BDNF—both linked to emotional sensitivity.

Instead of pathologizing herself, she began to understand her reactions as biologically primed but not permanent. With coaching, mindfulness, and safe relationships, Sophie learned to soothe her anxiety and build secure attachments.

What This Means for Healing

"You’re not broken. Your attachment style is a pattern—not a prison."

Understanding the genetic side of attachment doesn’t mean giving up on growth. It means:

  • Having compassion for your emotional responses
  • Seeing your style as an adaptation, not a flaw
  • Using neuroscience-informed tools to change patterns over time

Attachment is changeable through:

  • Secure relationships
  • Coaching or therapy
  • Somatic and mindfulness practices
  • Psychoeducation (like this article!)

Key Takeaways

  • Genetics can explain up to 45% of anxious attachment tendencies.
  • Key genes involved: OXTR, COMT, DRD2, DRD4, 5HTTLPR, BDNF.
  • Epigenetics shows how environmental stress can change gene expression.
  • Your biology creates a blueprint—but you still build the house.

What You Can Do Today

If you're someone who resonates with anxious attachment—and now you're wondering if your genes are playing a role—don't panic. Instead, explore what you can do today:

  • Take an attachment quiz to better understand your style
  • Start journaling triggers that activate your attachment system
  • Practice mindfulness to stay grounded when emotions run high
  • Join a coaching program or therapy that aligns with your attachment style

This self-awareness isn't just interesting—it's transformational. It's your starting point for building relationships that feel safe, stable, and mutually fulfilling.

Want to Go Deeper?

Book a free attachment style assessment call
Let’s explore whether your patterns are rooted more in early experience, temperament, or biology—and what healing path fits you best.
👉 Click here to schedule a call

🧬 References

Footnotes

  1. Donnellan MB et al. (2008). Genes, personality, and attachment in adults. Pers Soc Psychol Bull, 34(1), 3–16. ↩
  2. Costa B et al. (2009). Oxytocin receptor polymorphisms and adult attachment. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 34, 1506–1514. ↩
  3. Ebner NC et al. (2019). Associations between oxytocin receptor gene methylation and adult attachment. Int J Psychophysiol, 136, 22–32. ↩
  4. Erkoreka L et al. (2018). COMT Val158Met and avoidant attachment. Psychiatry Res, 262, 345–347. ↩
  5. Caspers KM et al. (2009). 5HTTLPR and unresolved attachment. Dev Psychol, 45(1), 64–76. ↩
  6. Suzuki A et al. (2012). BDNF polymorphism and parenting interaction. Psychiatry Res, 200, 945–948. ↩
  7. Belsky J, Pluess M. (2009). Differential susceptibility to rearing experience. Dev Psychopathol, 21(1), 1–24. ↩